Thursday, November 30, 2006

Uk is our Bi**h


"Uk is our bi**h", A senior US official said on Yesterday. Mr Myers elaborated how the British prime minister was forced into mud wrestling by Mr Bush. And Mr Bush plays a lot of practical jokes on him whenever he is over for a sleepover. Basically UK is a sidekick to the US. Its like Batman and Robin. Although Robin fights the same villains as Batman he doesn't get his own car neither does he get Pants. He is forced to run around in his shorts and say yes to everything batman says.

"We don't want to be Robin anymore", Said an old Britisher.

The Mr Blair has been caught repeating the same thing Mr Bush says many times. So much so last September in a jointly held press conference. Mr Bush talks about the war on terror and how we need to win at etc etc. When Mr Blair took the stand he made just one statement, "Whatever he said".

Every time the UK throws its tantrums and objects the US reminds them of WWII. Its widely accepted that the US saved UK's ass in WWII. A secret war document has shown the following not so shocking facts. The UK signed an agreement with the US saying that they would Play robin to US who loved being Batman for the next 100 years.

In the mean time the senior US official MR Myers has been asked to think it and but not say it aloud.
The Original News

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Something Happens in Fiji


Somethings rotten in the state of Fiji. Fiji is the 155th largest county in the world. Its really far away. Fiji has been in the news about 4 times since 1970. All we know about Fiji is that a lot of tourists go there. And they grow sugarcane. Also the Fijians love the hit 80's show the A team.

The International community believed its best not to disturb them. There was news of some disturbance yesterday. We have sent our best reporter to cover it. But in the mean time we like to believe its got to do with the French nuclear explosion which caused the pacific Lizard to grow into Godzilla.

This Godzilla wrecking havoc in the jungles of Fiji. This Giant lizard is eating all trees and defecating on the land. This is causing all the tourist's to leave.

"Thats the most pungent smell ever", Some guy.

The Fijian secret society that was expecting the arrival of a giant monkey were caught completely off guard. They say its a translation error.

"What will we do with our stock of 5 million Banana's", Head priest

But this is all our prediction. It maybe about this coup or some thing.
The Original News

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Happy Chinese Activist


The wife of an activist Mr Chen was arrested yesterday in the Yinyang province. The government was rapped by the international press for this subversive act. Yaun Beijing was arrested outside the court by the police. According to the The lawyer the summons stated that she is being arrested for being a witch.

Mr Chen has changed his stance towards the government, he now claims its a very just and fair government and we all need to make sacrifices and the government is guiding the People of China into the 21st century. Mr Chen seemed jubilant. It seems like he is containing his happiness.

A little investigation reveled that Yaun is a Kungfu master. And all arguments in the house were settled the hard way for Mr Chen. The local humanitarian organization saw the bruises on his body and assumed the government beat him up. The organization started protests and rallies against the atrocities by the government. The government quickly denies any involvement.

"This is not like the other times we actually didn't do it, this time",Government official.

The police claim to have received an anonymous call from home telephone of Mr Chen, saying that Yaun Beijing was a witch. Mr Chen claims he was in the loo at that time.
The Original News

The Isrealy offer their Hand of Peace


The Isrealy Pm offered the Hand of peace to the Palestiny's. This is huge gesture of peace from the Isrealy's as they love their "Hand of Peace". The Hand of Peace is a massive structure. About 120 ft tall. The Structure has its origins in the Pre-Biblical era. From the region of Troy.

Many countries have been fighting over this for many centuries. This great and powerful structure is known to posses many healing powers some cultures have called a wish granter and it is said to be the source of Isrealy strength.

The Palestinys are over joyed at the softening of stance from Isrealy. They say they have won a great war. And have started to prepare for a 100 day party. "We have won a great victory" ,Said a Palestiny.

The preparations are in full swing to well come the "Hand of Peace". Although many old timers are suspicious as the Isrealy were laughing their guts out as they pushed the huge Horse like Hand to the Gazi Strip. What arouses more suspicion is that this horse structure looks brand new and has many windows and a satellite dish.

The news room reported today that an undercover operation in the Palestiny reveals that they don't love peace and are going to keep this Hand and continue to make fun of Isreal.

The President Bush on the other hand reported this as a break through and feels that the middle east problem will be solved before Christmas.
The Original News

What's this Green house Effect


The fuel Industry officials claimed that they don't know any thing about this Global warming and Green house effect. Industry Spokesman Mr Killjoy stated that this could be a ploy by the oil deficient countries to get oil for free. Or a terrorist ploy to do some thing. We are not sure. But we will get to the bottom of this. No terrorist out fit has been blamed yet

The Industry also claimed that they were never invited to any of the global summits for the environment. And they often claim that the Scientists hate them.
"All they want is free Petrol", said an Exon guy.

"Just leave us alone" ,One gas station attendant was heard saying.
He was waving his hands viciously trying to fight of a large number of eunuchs.

We are sure its not out of context.
The Original News

Monday, November 27, 2006

Sri Bankan leader in the country again

The Sri Bankan Prime Minister is int he country again. We don't know why? He wouldn't say. We don't know what to think of this. The Indian Prime minister was woken up in the middle of this night and asked to welcome the Sri Bankan Leader.

The Indian Administration remained Stunned as they had to cook food for an extra person. We are really worried. Our food Budget is very tight this month.

"He should have called in Advance", said the Head cook.

Internal sources state that The Sri Bankan's love the Delhi Gool Gappa.

"It is a great mystery to our people how you make the Gool Gappa", Sri Bankan tourist.

Indian Government is bewildered.
The Original News

Greased Lightning

This just in. John Travilta is erasing Saturn's rings. The scientist are pretty sure. It seemed that Mr Travilta beat up Saturn Last night for checking his girl out. The incident went out of control at a class trip to the Planetarium. When Sandy (Mrs.Olsen) was looking at saturn. Saturn was caught off guard. Its widely accepted that Danny took a cheap shot. And Sandy is ticked off.

Astronomers say that this is a theory. But since there are no contradicting theories at this time we are willing to put our money on this. Although this guy i once met told me that this could all be happening because of thunderstorms. But who knows these things. We will keep you posted on the upcoming events on Saturn and his Retribution.
The Original News

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Monument lease

Blog post from the future.
The year 2030

The government has has been pulled up by the supreme court. The court wanted to know where is the Gateway of India. The judiciary became suspicious when Defiance the largest corporate in India. Air lifted the Gateway of India to keep it safe. This is not the 1st instance of corporates using the nations monuments for personal pleasure. Last year when the Elephanta caves were cordoned off for expansions. It re opened as the TAPA caves. Featuring many new sculptures of engineering feats and many new additions. Like the industrialist Ratan Tapa sculpture.

The island outside Mumbai the Ajanta caves has been taken over by Essel world. The amusement park group. This added to confusion of the people of Mumbai as any monument in Mumbai has at least 5 names. The people responded by boycotting all the monuments.

This entire problem is said to have arisen from Nov 2006, when the government decide to lease of the monuments.

Friday, November 24, 2006

After much whining qubec allowed to stay

After a long whing by the qubecian representatives infront of the Canadian parliament. A giant "We are sorry card" along with 5 truck full of candy was also presented as a peace offering. The Government told them that they could stay in the union of Canada. The problem started when one of the qubecian representatives spoke louder than necessary, this lead to name calling and some "Your mama's so fat jokes". The constant talking in French also pissed every one off.

The Canadian Gov official line remained "They are getting on our nerves, but how can we say no to chocolates"

The origins of this conflict starts way back in the early Mesozoic era when the first Mammoths were slay en by the people. There was a certain Cave man from Quebec who missed the mammoth completely and hit the chief of Canada. Though we have no recorded eye witnesses to this event. But I am pretty certain its true , this really old man told me.

New Orleans Record Turnout

The managing commitee of the New Orleans' Fair Grounds Race Course did it again. A record turnout of 80,000. How did they do it? Well.. I asked a few people why they were there and what made them come out.

"Sir, What do u love about racing ?"
"What racing I am here to see Elvis, apparently the aliens are returning him. "

"Sir, Why are you out here ?"
"I love pie and i was told if i came here i could have all the pie i wanted"

"Madam, What about you, Why are you here"
"I am looking for my dog, he left me a note saying I will meet you at the fair ground"

I wasnt around to see the resultant mass hysteria.

I have just been handed this "Aliens to make contact in New Orleans' Fair Grounds Race Course"

French Premier welcome's Football violence

After a long long sitting of the French parliament. The French politicians announced , "We welcome football violence". Leading defense annalists have pointed a finger at the growing danger from China for this landmark decision. The alleged architect for this policy is the famous Zibane who made headlines across the world for his drop kick during the world cup Final. The French parliament believes that their men are becoming too pansy and need to toughen up.

"Its time our men become more than great cooks" ,said the French premier.

In an unrelated event Zibane was awarded the country's highest award for bravery. He is incidentally the only non military man to ever receive it.